Food & Drink

Let's Break Some Resolutions

It's So Much More Fun This Way...

By Geoff Rynex ·
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Photo: Getty Images

If you made it up to now keeping any diet-related resolutions, wow, you deserve a very sincere golf clap. And now, we will proceed to obliterate all that willpower with... let's call them loopholes to those resolutions. These are anti-resolutions...

Resolution: Eat Organic.
Anti-Resolution:
Use these home kits to incorporate the green, soothing, legal-in-cool-places fruits of the earth to create edible things that will transport you to the magical world of your couch, for hours on end. 

Resolution: Concentrate on the good fats.
Anti-Resolution:
 Olive-oil cocktails.

Resolution: Pace yourself, for fewer hangovers.
Anti-Resolution:
Whip up some of Bar Primi's hangover spaghetti.

Resolution: Be a team player.
Anti-Resolution: 
Buy a cow. With a bunch of strangers. For steaks.

Resolution: Fewer extravagant, overly ornate meals.
Anti-Resolution:
The $25,000 taco.

Resolution: Fuel properly for workouts.
Anti-Resolution:
Pack some Michelin-starred energy bars.

Resolution: Be less vain.
Anti-Resolution:
Put your face on a pancake.

Resolution: Know where your food comes from and who's preparing it.
Anti-Resolution:
Design your own proprietary hot sauce.

Resolution: Switch to tea.
Anti-Resolution:
 ...Cheese-topped tea.

Resolution: Stop being such a Luddite. 
Anti-Resolution:
A smart salt shaker.

Leave those crippling salt-pouring woes in 2017.

If Geoff Rynex is honest, he still doesn't really understand what Bitcoin is.

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