But ancient wisdom be damned, you don’t have to buy the whole cow either.
Just the ribs and some burgers, really.
With Crowd Cow, a badly named but incredibly useful thing that allows you to purchase whatever edible parts of a single, specific ranch-raised cow you desire, now available across the nation.
It’s summer. More or less. Steaks will get grilled. And yours will have everything but names, since they’re coming from exceptional breeds (grass-fed Black Angus, Wagyu) raised hormone-and-antibiotic-free on U.S. ranches.
Check out the site to see specs on the current offering. At the moment of this writing, it’s purebred Black Angus from a fifth-generation ranch in Washington State. Its favorite show is Fashion Police and it’s looking for something, just nothing too serious right now.
Anyway, 33% of said cow has been claimed. But there’s plenty left. You can claim your own piece by selecting which cuts you’d like to own. You could go for a prized dry-aged coulotte steak, snag the ribs or have some burger patties made. There are also kidneys and tongues. For people who eat kidneys and tongues.
Whatever you select, if the cow gets fully funded, it will be transformed into manifold cuts, which will appear on your door sometime the following week with next-day delivery.
Don’t expect them to appreciate over time.