We appreciate your work containing monkeys, exploding in video games and making the word “cooper” a thing.
But your days of aging whiskey might be numbered...
Blame Whiskey Elements by Time & Oak, a bunch of little sticks capable of aging your whiskey three years in 24 hours, now available for preorder and shipping in December.
Whiskey gets its flavor from being aged in oak barrels. And it takes a long time. Sometimes years. That is, of course, until these guys figured out how to fast-forward the whole thing by dunking little wooden sticks in bottles.
Instead of putting whiskey in a barrel, it’s like you’re putting a barrel in the whiskey. Because these sticks perform “accelerated transpiration through capillary action,” which is a fancy way of saying they cut slots into them to rapidly age the whiskey while it soaks.
First, procure a young and impressionable brown spirit. Then, choose from a variety of sticks with different flavor profiles—oak, peat, smoke, definitely not pumpkin—and submerge. A 24-hour soak will be equivalent to three years.
That’s 21 dog whiskey years.