Internal Affairs

Five Hotels for Extracurricular Relations

We have no idea why you’d want to set up a secret tryst. We don’t want to know, frankly. We just know you’d rather not be discovered. Fine. So before you become Washington’s next cautionary tale, here’s some hotels where the two of you can lay low. Just don’t check in on Foursquare.

Asian-Inspired Opulence on the River

Asian-Inspired Opulence on the River

The Place: The Mandarin Oriental.
The Risk: Medium.
The Reward: Lots of river-view suites, like the Oriental Suite with plenty of marble and a soaking tub. Also: they list the capacity as “three persons.” In case you’re feeling bold.
The Alibi: “Our boat capsized. We were helping to dry each other.”

History (and Scandal) on 16th

History (and Scandal) on 16th

The Place: The Jefferson.
The Risk: High (it’s awfully close to the White House/K Street).
The Reward: Options. Like Suite 205, where Dick Morris’s dalliances occurred. Or the top-floor Thomas Jefferson Suite, with five Juliet balconies and a formal dining room.
The Alibi: “I’m doing research into Jefferson’s personal life.”

Dateline: Nowheresville, VA

Dateline: Nowheresville, VA

The Place: The Hope and Glory Inn.
The Risk: Very low.
The Reward: The kind of place where heroes in Washington spy thrillers go to clear their heads for a couple days. A converted schoolhouse with a bar called “Detention.”
The Alibi: “I got lost on the way to the shore.”

A Suite Worthy of Ol’ Blue Eyes

A Suite Worthy of Ol’ Blue Eyes

The Place: The Graham.
The Risk: Medium (higher if you venture to the rooftop bar).
The Reward: The Frank Sinatra Suite, complete with private veranda, where the Chairman himself used to unwind on his DC visits.
The Alibi: “I wanted to get in the proper headspace for crooning.”

Going Spa-Centric on King Street

Going Spa-Centric on King Street

The Place: Lorien Hotel & Spa.
The Risk: Low.
The Reward: A couples massage in the spa, followed by stargazing on the terrace with a complimentary sleeping bag (really). Finally, see what the bath butler has to offer. He can be trusted.
The Alibi: “I’ve always wanted to meet a bath butler.”

Elsewhere on the Daddy

More Leisure in Washington DC