You’re on your own for the last one, but for the first two, may we direct you to Go Ape, a treetop adventure land of ropes, ziplines and death-defying jumps not far out of town, open for the season as of tomorrow. (There are no snakes.)
To get here, you’ll drive just past the Beltway to a bucolic Montgomery County park. You’ll have already made a reservation for tree time, so after a quick brief about the safety harnesses (you’ll want to listen), they’ll usher you into the trees.
There, over two-plus hours, you’ll negotiate 34 crossings between oaks and poplars, some as high as 40 feet in the air. Your date will look down and scream. You’ll maintain your steely composure across every tightrope walk and Tarzan swing. (Or just keep your eyes shut.)
Your reward after completing each section: a zipline ride, the longest of which is more than a football field long.
Even a Redskin could make it across.