Rubbing elbows with A-listers. Driving expensive Italian sports cars. Jumping futuristic motorcycles over bullet trains. That are on fire.
And naturally, such a life begins with pants...
Introducing Sons of Britches, the first jeans made specifically for the amateur stuntman, available online now.
Now, we know what you’re wondering: are these really up to the rigors of jumping a flaming ’80s limousine over the Grand Canyon? Yes, yes they are. In fact, they’re put through a series of quality-control tests before reaching your doorstep. First, a team of highly trained professionals (designers, that is) will check the durability of the stitching. After each thread has proven to be strong and true, the jeans will be taken out for a long weekend of underground prizefighting and high-speed car chases through the hills of San Francisco.
Assuming everything checks out (the bolted buttons are on firm, the gunpowder washes out), your jeans will be ready for delivery. Upon arrival (we’ll assume they’re dropped from an exploding chopper), the first thing you’ll notice is the incredibly deep indigo hue, the result of using raw, rugged, freshly dyed Carolina denim. The kind of denim that isn’t afraid to punch a shark in its nose.
After that, you’ll just need two things: somewhere to wear them, and a suitable way to make your entrance.
Don’t forget the parachute.