That's why you've got a bespoke suit. Under which you wear a bespoke shirt. And under that: bespoke boxers. (You can't put a price on comfort.)
But the perfect customized pair of glasses has remained elusive…until now.
Meet Indivijual Custom Eyewear, a new online shop that tailors your frames to the unique contours of your face, taking orders now.
After all, your face is a delicate snowflake that deserves its own, special sunglasses (or, for the nearsighted, regular glasses). First, the company will send you an "info and measurement" kit, complete with paper ruler (for measuring your face) and a portable nose mold—basically, an adhesive bandage and some clay, which we're assured is easy to use. (What, you've never molded your nose?)
Then you'll submit to a rigorous personality test, which asks for highly relevant pieces of info like your wardrobe preferences, your favorite kinds of furniture and—because, really, they couldn't build your glasses without this—your favorite kind of car. (Test them by saying you're in between a Ferrari and a Chevy Impala.) Then they'll send you back a preview in the form of a PowerPoint presentation—finally, being used for good, not evil—and start working on your handmade frames. Six to eight weeks later, you'll have your shades.
Which, oddly enough, match your underwear.