Dear 11-year-old Thompson,
It’s been seven months since I last wrote, I hope you are well and strong—wise beyond your years, if I remember correctly.
I’m writing you again today because Migos has just released their Culture II album, and you are going to listen to a lot of Migos. You don’t know who this is yet, but Childish Gambino—or Donald Glover, if you ever get into the show Community (you don’t lol)—called them “The Beatles of this generation.” So you know I’m not really fucking around when I tell you to listen to what I’m about to say. Migos is collectively brilliant; a personification of the scene from Bad Boys II wherein Will Smith escapes the jaws of death in a Ferrari and goes, “WOOOOOOOOO.” That is Migos. And they are full of worn, leathery wisdom for the taking.
So please, go forth in your eleventh year of life with these lyrics and lectures close to heart. They will serve you greatly for years to come.
“I'ma put these racks in your face,
In your face, show you that you lame.” —Higher We Go
Lead others by example. Showing goes farther than telling, always.
“Bag of bread, call it loaf (loaf!).” —Higher We Go
You should know this by now, but just in case.
“Hands in the cookie jar, cut his finger off (ah).” —Narcos
Never let your peers unrightfully take what’s yours or your family’s.
“Chopper ring, drumline, Nick Cannon.” —Autopilot
Drumline is an excellent, groundbreaking film and do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
“Hundred racks in the Gucci fanny (Gucci!).” —Autopilot
Go get yourself a Gucci fanny pack—just seems like a thing that would drastically elevate the social status of an 11-year-old.
“I think my back got scoliosis 'cause I swerve the lane (skrrt).” —Walk It Like I Talk It
Some tough news: You’re going to endure a mild case of scoliosis pretty soon here. The good news: No one cares and you can eat things like cereal from your caved-in sternum.
“Fucking a bih, and that's not a problem,
I get a rebound, then tuck in my Spalding.” —Walk It Like I Talk It
Congratulations, you’re about to make the middle school basketball team. Now go grab a board and lock that shit in—turnovers lead to losses.
“We ain't worried (not at all),
Diamonds on my wrist look like McFlurry's (oh Lord).” —Emoji a Chain
When times get tough, hit McDonald’s. I’ve never seen a person in my life look sad while eating an Oreo McFlurry.
“Flippin' the bird (flippin' it),
I put a brick in her purse.” —Emoji a Chain
This is just a fun prank to play on a girlfriend.
“I done made 2.5 on my Nokia (brrr). —CC
You’re about to get your very first cell phone. Enjoy Snake while you have it, broseph.
“Dance with my dogs in the nighttime (wroof).”—Stir Fry
Have fun with your friends every chance you get. Some of them will be gone soon, but most will still be rocking with you into adulthood—an honest to goodness incredible feat on anyone’s terms.
“Life's Monopoly, go cop me some land and some property (property).”—Stir Fry
I wish this weren’t true but for the love of God please pay attention when your grandma is whooping your ass in Monopoly.
“Don't discriminate, ball players come in all sizes,
Finger roll, post move or the pick and roll.” —Stir Fry
Your peers, friends and family will come in all shapes, colors and sizes. And they are all just as dope and important as you.
“Coupe got wings, posted up with kings (coupe got wings).” —White Sand
Kick it with the buds, knock back a dozen flats. Soak life in.
“Two hoes attached, call them Siamese cats (Siamese twins).” —Crown the Kings
Honestly not super sure about this one but I can’t say it’s not factual.
“My pinky on margarine, butter,
And my ears got McDonald's nuggets (ayy).” —MotorSport
Make it a 10-piece. Five for each ear.
“She got a little turkey neck, neck, neck, neck, neck, yeah.” —Too Playa
“Shitting on niggas subliminally, all of my shoes are from Italy.” —Too Playa
Again, let the physical evidence do the talking. This goes for sports, women, bullies… life, really.
“You're funny, call you Martin Lawrence.” —Open It Up
Big Momma's House, Blue Streak: see all the Martin Lawrence movies.
“But I won't give her a penny (nah),
Tryna go to Piccadilly (where?)” —Too Much Jewelry
Piccadilly is fantastic. (Though you probably already know this—I’m pretty sure you are at the height of your Piccadilly phase.)
“They want the chips, the drip, the sauce, my hoe.” —Top Down on da Nawf
You can never go wrong with a bag of Tostitos and a nice queso dip.
“I wake up and I thank God and I go strong.” —Culture National Anthem
Sound advice for the rest of your time.