Entertainment

And Our Week 11 NFL Awards Go to…

Nathan Peterman and a Guy Named Jeremy Sprinkle

By Thompson Brandes ·
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Photo by Harry How/Getty Images

Week 11 of the 2017 NFL season has officially settled in after a Sunday full of great plays, terrible quarterbacks and outstanding celebration work. Each week, we'll take part in admiring these fine catches and blunders by handing out a set of accolades. Some players will undoubtedly be proud to take home the hardware, others not so much.

Most Impressive Performance: Nathan Peterman

It might feel a little backwards to place the Buffalo Bills quarterback in the “Most Impressive” slot (Tom Brady was as dominant as ever in a Mexico City thrashing of the Raiders, after all), but at the end of the day, Peterman’s performance was simply… impressive. On Sunday, he became the first quarterback in NFL history to throw for five interceptions in under 15 pass attempts. The best part? It only took Peterman 11 attempts—and only one half of football. It was, by any measure of the game, one of the very worst football performances in the history of the sport. Which leads us to our next award...

Least Impressive Performance: Head Coach Sean McDermott

The only reason Peterman got the start in the first place was due to Coach McDermott’s unconscious decision to pull Bills starter Tyrod Taylor the week prior. And while Taylor certainly isn’t outstanding, he’s a perfectly capable dual-threat starter on a team somehow in the thick of a rare playoff race. (He’s also thrown only three interceptions all year, a number Peterman shellacked before he even threw on his jock strap.)

After the game, McDermott had this bright idea:

Sean, my man, you’re better off breaking down a back-to-back viewing of Wedding Crashers on TNT than trying to gain any insight from that ballgame. Peterman can have another shot next year.

The Michael Scott Award for Achievement in Comical Misery: Brock Osweiler

Ladies and gentlemen, breaking into the NFL Awards for the second week in a row, Mr. Brock “Lee” Osweiler!

I know, I am absolutely littering these awards with references from The Office lately. But Osweiler treating the Bengals’ defensive alignment like a regular Toby Flenderson was just too on-the-nose to pass up.

Just a Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Award: Antonio Brown

Brown’s 144 yards and three touchdowns on ten catches scored me 42.4 points in a clutch fantasy win this week. Giving him a subjectively meaningless award in an article read by roughly zero Steelers players is simply the least I can do.

Best End Zone Celebration: Jeremy Sprinkle

By God, is that Jeremy Sprinkle’s music I’m hearing? The Redskins rookie tight end (with the best name in football) caught his first touchdown on his very first career snag. And if that’s not enough remarkable efficiency for your liking, here he his celebrating by way of his own namesake:

Does it get any better than that? Like, how many players in the NFL can say they’ve successfully crafted a touchdown dance based on their very existence? Has Ha Ha Clinton-Dix ever let out a hearty chuckle after housing a pick-six? Has former Texans quarterback John David Booty ever shaken that ass after tossing a touchdown? Has Danny Woodhead ever—you know what? Let’s just let Jeremy have this moment for now. See you next week.

Thompson Brandes is getting sucked into another Jurassic Park movie on AMC right now.

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