Ugh, fine. You win.
Here’s Giardino Segreto, a clandestine one-table affair for personalized Piemontese-style tasting menus, now open through October in the garden behind Osteria Langhe. (This slideshow has pictures in it.)
You’ll start by emailing a charming someone named Beth Ann the next time you get an itch to throw your ravioli-loving friends an impromptu private party or escort a lovely person to a not-unimpressive dinner date.
She’ll ask how many are in your party (they’ll accommodate up to 14), gauge your food-and-wine-related preferences and pass this information along to their chef.
At which point, you can A) leave him and his encyclopedic sommelier to design a five-course meal (incorporating things like truffle risotto, lamb tortellini and Piemontese Barolos), or B) work with them hand-in-hand to create a completely custom menu. Neither of those choices is right-er than the other.
When you finally arrive, wander through the candlelit alleyway adjacent to the restaurant. A white arrow points left. Follow it, and you’ll find a vegetable garden, a forest-green patio and one long communal table.
Don’t follow it, and you’ll find a fence.