A hundred years ago, if someone told you they were exiling you to Siberia, you’d be like, “Sh*t. I’m getting exiled to Siberia.”

But that was before all the chauffeurs and hot tubs.

Banish yourself to Altai’s Peaks and Rivers, a fortnight of hopping between Siberia’s clandestine chalets and islands with horses, dogsleds and snowmobiles as your personal chauffeurs, taking reservations now for departures between December and April.

Here’s how to harness its might...

Prepare for leisure. Your evenings will be spent lounging in chandeliered chalets, soaking in banyas (that’s Russian for hot tubs) and strolling through reindeer farms by moonlight. Reindeer-tipping: highly discouraged.

Prepare for wisdom. After crossing a secret footbridge, you’ll arrive at the island of Patmos to explore its pristine coves. Nestled in those coves: an all-female Russian Orthodox monastery. (We hear the door’s really tough.)

Prepare for... skiing. You’ll trek through local villages (follow the throat singing). And toboggan down ice runs. And ride horses and dogsleds through forest trails. A local guide will be with you the whole way. For moral support.

And to keep you from dying.