There are things that we’ve been hiding from you. We were trying to protect you, we guess. But the truth is this: there are items that come across our desk that are stupid, needless, irritating, a little gross and, we hate to say it, downright sucky. In fact, here are some of them now.
Take the timeless sartorial bravura of a fanny pack. Attach it to a sun visor. Now, produce this abomination in the neon splendor of, say, a 1985 Wham video. And, just for fun, throw the word “sac” in the name. May we present: a forehead’s worst enemy, 2012.
If Richard Hats were some unfortunate soul’s name, you’d probably chuckle. It’s okay. Dick Hats gets it. He understands the absurd image his name conjures. But here’s the thing: there is no Richard Hats. But that ridiculous image—that absurd thing—is real. Oh, and it’s made of chocolate.
Britain has produced some pretty amazing footwear. But it also produced these. You’re supposed to slip them over your shoes at Lollapalooza to prevent your Chucks from getting dusty and dirty. See, no one will know because they look like Chucks... in bag form.
Your dog really should start paying you back for all that love, affection and kibble. So there’s this contraption. Just hook your best friend up and drive him like a Clydesdale to work. No, seriously, your dachshund’s going to love it.
If you weren’t lactose intolerant already... there’s this whimsical milk jug shaped like a cow’s udder. You know, because that’s what you want to think about when you’re eating your Wheaties. Basically, it’s a mammary version of tiny corn-cob-shaped corn-on-the-cob holders.
