Let’s hear it for the French. They’re just so... French. They even invented a designy-looking carafe that turns garden-variety hooch into inhalable vapor like it was nothing. You probably bought one. It was probably a huge hit at parties. Especially ones where people love stuff like that.
Best You Forget
Everything That Was Important in 2012
So that went well. 2012, that is. Few more robots would’ve been nice. Maybe a few less death threats from the Mayans. Overall, though... good show. Especially the parts where you inhaled whiskey vapors and a bunch of girls in bikinis taught you Mandarin. Let’s recap, shall we.
BodyRock.Tv and Sexy Mandarin
It was a big year for pretending to learn things from scantily clad attractive people. First, there was BodyRock.Tv. You laughed, you cried, you... watched a cartoonishly fit girl do lunges. Then came all those Asian girls washing cars and teaching you Mandarin and stuff. That was neat, too.
Having a mermaid at your disposal at all times is important. You learned that in 2012. Because that’s when a girl named Hannah showed up at your party, slapped on a fin and swam around your pool entertaining people like she was some kind of mermaid-for-hire. Funny how that worked out.
Once upon a time, a cherished LA-based ice creamery put a bunch of mezcal and bourbon into ice cream sandwiches. And then a mailman delivered them to your door so you could eat them. They were delicious. There was much aplomb. And then you probably watched TV or something.
Sebastian Hotel Machine Gun Tour
When life gives you Vail, you... fly around in a military gunship and fire thousands of M60 rounds into the Rocky Mountains below. And then retire to an adults-only hot tub. It’s good to see you back from that, by the way. We trust it went well. Machine guns and hot tubs usually do.
And then there was that time when Bar Refaeli (of... Bar Refaeli fame) designed some new underthings and traipsed around a website modeling them for you. Girly things. Guy-y things. Didn’t matter... she just kind of threw it all on and smiled for the camera. You love it when she does that.
HotTug and Hot Tub Boats
There’s not much you can do to improve upon the hot tub. Except maybe give it an outboard motor or a wood-fired oven so you can cruise around a lake in it. Yep. That should do. And it did, thanks to these two pioneering hot-tub-smiths. The world needs more hot-tub-smiths.