We’d like you to meet someone.

Her name: Hannah. Her continent of origin: Australia. Her legs: nonexistent. Kind of.

That’s because Hannah is a mermaid.

More specifically, a mermaid/model who can dive 45 feet, can hold her breath for two minutes and has a website called Hannah Mermaid, where you can now requisition her services for... pretty much whatever.

Corporate events. Pool parties. “Best Aquarium Ever” competitions.

Or better yet... this stuff.

Filming Your Splash Sequel on Vimeo
Daryl Hannah. Hannah Mermaid. It was meant to be. Now all you need to do is book Tom Hanks to play the role of Walter Kornbluth as originally played by Eugene Levy and then... never mind. Just make a movie of her flopping around Manhattan and call it a day.

Bring a Mermaid to Work Day
Invent it. Then literally just wheel her around in a huge fish tank all day. It’ll be amazing.

Pool Cleaner
Attach one of those robot-vacuum things to her fin and let her do her thing. You’ll have the cleanest pool ever. And probably the only one with a mermaid in it.

Date-Night Surprise
Row your date out to the middle of a pond. When the time is right, cue Hannah by dipping your toes in the water. She’ll pop up, bestow you with a split of champagne and say something like “Countless as the sands of the sea are human passions” before simply disappearing.

Pure gold, that move.