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Snow Patrol

From Now On, This Is How You Snowball Fight

UD - Snowball XisteraSo if you’ve been watching the local news lately, you’ve probably caught wind of this week’s big story.

Yes, Nathan Deal was just sworn in as our new governor.

Oh, also... somebody broke the city.

And on that note, we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you important details regarding your best line of defense for surviving this snowy crisis...

A damn good offense.

Introducing the Snowball Xistera, your new weapon of mass snowball-fighting destruction and the key to attaining ninja-like mastery over all things snow day, available now.

First off, we should probably tell you that a xistera is that same little handheld basket you’ve seen jai alai players using to launch balls upwards of 180 miles per hour on the court of battle—so it’s basically the snowball-launching version of that (minus the blinding speeds and potentially lethal part).

After casually donning your new four-piece winter camo ensemble, you’ll want to take to the nearest open field, park or deserted postapocalyptic interstate in search of a worthy adversary. From there, it’s a simple matter of dipping your secret weapon into the snow, using the built-in mold to craft the perfect spherical ball of snow fury and unleashing holy hell up to 150 feet in the general direction of anyone who dares oppose you.

Just hope little Billy Pewterschmidt doesn’t show up.

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