Totally Heartless

Your Anti-Valentine's Day Survival Guide

You might be really looking forward to Valentine's Day. And if you are, that's great. We're glad you've found the love of your life. But the rest of us are going to be drinking. So we thought we'd gather up a few places where you can ride out this Hallmark holiday with some stiff cocktails, a little bit of S&M and not much in the way of romance.

UD -

Oak Fire Pizza

Drinks are half-off all night long—and if you bring in a photo of your ex, they'll shred it right there at the bar, and bring you the first round on the house. Now that's closure.

Feb 14, starts at 7pm, Oak Fire Pizza, 829 N La Cienega Blvd, 310-659-8848

UD - The Varnish

The Varnish

Now open Sundays starting this weekend, the best speakeasy to ever reside behind a French dip restaurant is celebrating with a La Vie en Rose special—it's gin, ginger syrup, lime and rosewater, served with two straws. But nobody said anything about needing two people.

Feb 14, opens at 7pm, first one is free, The Varnish, 118 E Sixth St, 213-622-9999

UD - Palihouse Holloway

Palihouse Holloway

Over at the Palihouse hotel, they've come up with a lovey-dovey package—and a more depraved one. Whether or not you do the courtyard dinner downstairs, you should bring a bottle of red to your suite, which'll have a Love Box or a Pain Box waiting. The latter has a mask, restraint tape, a blindfold and a paddle. Obviously, go for the Pain Box.

Feb 14, $570 ($745 with dinner for two), Palihouse, 8465 Holloway Dr, 323-656-4100

UD - Frysmith Dinner at Verdugo

Frysmith Dinner at Verdugo

When an Eastside beer bar meets a french-fry truck on Valentine's Day, the results are unexpected: a four-course dinner packed with Seared Sea Scallops With Spanish Chorizo and Duck Legs Braised in Cognac Ume Tomato Sauce. Plus beer tasting. This isn't a coupley thing, this is a neighborhood-hangout thing.

Feb 14, 7:30pm, $23 advance ($28 door), Verdugo Bar, 3408 Verdugo Rd, 818-371-6814

UD - The Edison

The Edison

Okay, okay, if you are feeling romantic—except for that whole planning-ahead part—the Edison is pulling out live jazz, oysters, Absinthe Chocolates and Rosebud Martinis. And somehow, here and only here, it all seems acceptable.

Feb 14, 7pm, $20 (martini included), The Edison, 108 W Second St #101, 213-613-0000 

UD HOOKUP: We've got a prime table for two held at 8pm, with a half-dozen oysters, two Absinthe Chocolates and two of those martinis (a $100 value). Tell us how you two met, and if you melt our cynical hearts, the table's yours.

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