That's not to say some laser beams, prison bars and smoke machines wouldn't liven up the place. And if you really want a party, you still need to add one thing: zombie baby dolls.
We can explain.
Welcome to Lockdown, Chicago's first (and, so far, only) heavy metal/prison-themed burger bar, opening next week in Ukrainian Village.
You probably know there's already a heavy metal burger bar in town (Kuma's Corner). This is less tattoo/biker and more like Iron Maiden's mascot Eddie the Head went to culinary school.
You might be a little freaked out by the decor—skulls on the walls and zombie baby dolls reaching through faux prison bars—but a menu offering 11 fresh-ground burgers served on buns from an artisanal bakery is worth a fright. Options include spicy jerk-seasoned Ganja (topped with plantains—not herb, mon), The Electric Chair, served blackened to a crisp (naturally), and the arugula-crowned Punk Bitch (feel no shame when ordering).
The two former ticket brokers behind this place keep their toes in the live-music waters with flat-screens playing round-the-clock concert DVDs by everyone from Alice Cooper to Marilyn Manson. (Okay, so the range isn't great.) You'll be treated to bone-rattling volume, a fog machine belching a misty ambiance and a laser show that keeps time with the sound.
Keep in mind: stage diving is punishable by 10 to life.