But you've also been naughty. (We won't specify, but it involves the aforementioned damsel … and the kittens.)
Still, you don't deserve coal in your stocking. But come to think of it, you know some people who do…
Welcome to CoalGram.com, a site devoted to delivering real-life blocks of coal to anyone who dared cross you this year, online now.
Yes, you can now give those who made your naughty list a not-insignificant chunk of real-life coal, taken straight from a Pennsylvania mine. Go to the site and pick one of three packages—the Original (which comes in a box), Snowman Pouch (which comes with a snowman) and the Stocking Surprise (which comes in a stocking—not all that surprising, actually).
Then, you make a key choice: send your coal anonymously, and your money-grubbing brother-in-law (just us?) will be none the wiser. Or include a note with your package, and Mr. Madoff will know exactly what you think of him. And lest you feel a twinge of guilt at the last moment, take note that 15 percent of your purchase will go to your choice of three charities. Just be careful not to let this information fall into the wrong hands, or you could end up with some of the black stuff in your own stocking.
Although, technically speaking, it is a diamond.