Have a Cow

Relaxation, Canned

UD - Slow Cow You look well rested today.

Congratulations, because you're going to need all the rest you can get. Ahead of you lies a month of tinsel-strewn parties, spiked eggnog and dangerously low-flying champagne corks.

To make it through the holiday season, the old you might opt for a Red Bull and ride the caffeine-and-sugar train straight into the New Year. But a brand-new decade calls for a new kind of beverage. One that keeps you on your game, mellow, focused...

In short, the anti-Red Bull.

Introducing Slow Cow, a Canadian relaxation beverage designed to maintain your good cheer this season, now accepting orders online.

Imagine, for a moment, the calming effects of a few well-placed acupuncture needles or a visit to Chinatown's finest reflexologist, bottled and made portable for your next run-in with a rogue elf, overzealous shopper or anyone at your office holiday party.

Of course, the liquid-candy taste, slim can and not-so-subtle name are a direct, full-on assault on the other cattle-based soft drink. Which makes perfect sense: Slow Cow is more Zen-mountain-retreat than vodka-and-glow sticks, with herbal, concentration-boosting, tea-derived supplements (L-Theanine), and nerve-calming, grandmother-approved plant life (chamomile). So you can drink a can to harness your chi before braving the masses at a retail store.

Or should you happen to find yourself neck-deep in tourists at Rockefeller Center.

At which point, you may want to switch back to spiked eggnog.

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