After all, you've romanced some beautiful heroines. You've been chased by the cops. And there was that time that you and Clooney robbed a casino.
Wait—that was Ocean's 11 (or was it 12?). But otherwise, it's been almost like a movie or something—one that deserves a mind-blowing poster, starring you.
Introducing DropletStudio's Custom Posters, now framing and illustrating the film of your life, available now.
Your first step is searching through your immense archive of photos—scrapbooks, Facebook pages, the occasional mugshot—for that perfectly iconic photo of you and your co-stars. (Don't worry—you can see to it that their names are below the title.) Then, you need to come up with an appropriately awe-inducing title. (We like the ring of Scotch: A Love Story.)
After that, tell the studio a few of your favorite things (baccarat, walks in the rain, the small of a woman's back), and they'll work on the perfect design for your not-yet-produced biopic. (Harvey's not handing out three-picture deals like he used to.) After a few weeks, they'll send you back your poster.
Which should give you time to line up a director.