Around this time every month, the powers that be at Netflix release their list of what’s coming to and leaving the platform in the month to follow. It’s a time to reflect. A time of mourning. A time of hope.
To help you wade through that emotional soup, and help you decide what to watch in the weeks to come, we’re putting together the Monthly Netflix Report Card, a highly scientific, yet mostly arbitrary, very subjective assessment of the streaming giant’s gains and losses.
The final grade will take into account the three biggest gains in the Netflix original movies and shows/comedy specials, as well as the three biggest gains and losses in standard movies and shows/comedy specials. As months go on, we’ll look to improve our criteria as much as possible. And keep in mind: Netflix is a fickle beast, meaning they could always drop something out of the blue. So don't get mad at us.
Top Three Netflix Original Movies/Comedy Specials Coming to Netflix in August
-Like Father, a vacation dramedy about a jilted daughter (Kristen Bell) and her estranged father (Kelsey Grammar), who joins her on the cruise that she initially booked for her honeymoon. Seth Rogen plays the goofy-charming rebound guy; "Ooh La La" by the Faces plays in the trailer. This should be good. (August 3)
-The Package. It's a good ol' teenage sex romp from the creators of Workaholics that appears to be something of a cross between Without a Paddle and American Pie, revolving around a spring break camping trip that goes terribly, terribly wrong—by which I mean there may or may not be an accidental castration scene. (August 10)
-To All the Boys I've Ever Loved Before, a high school rom-com about a quiet girl who accidentally sends out a bunch of love letters to her crushes that seems predestined to find an audience amongst "let's stay in Saturday" girlfriends across this great nation. And their boyfriends. Don't act like you don't actually like a good high school rom-com. Or staying in some Saturdays. (August 17)
Top Three Netflix Original Series Coming to Netflix in August
-Ozark, the moody Jason Bateman-starring crime drama that slowly but surely picked up some critical steam after its original release, returns for season two. (Aug 31)
-Ghoul, a three-part Hindu-language horror miniseries from the Blumhouse gang (Get Out) which, if you dare watch the trailer below, looks creepy as fuck. It's about a strange prisoner who arrives in a military detention center, only to terrorize everyone inside with his supernatural evil powers. Classic that. (Aug 24)
-Disenchantment (August 17) and Paradise PD (August 31), two adult cartoon comedies from Matt Groening (of Simpsons fame) and Waco O'Guin and Roger Black (of Brickleberry not-as-much-fame). The former is about a hard-drinking princess ruling in her failing medieval kingdom; the latter looks kind of like a cartoon version of Reno 911. Both look potentially bingeable.
Aggregate Grade of Originals: A-. The movies look fun, but there's a strong likelihood that one or more will fall flat. On the other hand, this is the best month for original series in a while. Ghoul, which has the Blumhouse stamp of approval, looks genuinely terrifying, and the cartoons both have promising premises and pedigree. My top three didn't even include a new docu-series from Buzzfeed, called Follow This, as well as Million Pound Menu--a British show that looks a bit like Shark Tank for restaurants.
Top Three Non-Original Movies Coming to Netflix in August
-Clerks, Kevin Smith's '90s indie burnout classic, which we presume is due for a re-watch. (August 1)
-No Country for Old Men, the the Coen Brothers modern classic, based on the eponymous Cormac McCarthy novel, starring an Academy Award-winning Javier Bardem and his weird haircut. (August 11)
-Hostiles, a little-seen Western from earlier this year that was nonetheless well-reviewed, and stars Christian Bale and Rosamund Pike. (August 15)
Top Three Non-Original Series Coming to Netflix in August
-The 100, season 5. The CW's post-apocalyptic teen sci-fi show is releasing its latest season on Netflix more or less right as it finishes airing. (August 15)
-Great News, season one. Despite generally positive reviews, this NBC comedy set in the world of television news (and helmed by a former 30 Rock writer), was cancelled after two seasons. It still might be worth checking out. (August 23)
-The Good Place, season two. This should give those who are behind a good chance to catch up on what's probably the hottest, most talked about network comedy since Parks and Recreation. (August 28)
Aggregate Grade of Non-Originals: A-. Again, pretty strong list this month, what with The Good Place and an under-appreciated new-ish movie, Hostiles.
Top Three Movies Leaving Netflix in August
-Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay, which is arguably the best Harold and Kumar. (August 1)
-Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, the still-funny John C. Reilly biopic parody. (August 1)
-The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Judd Apatow's classic comedy is basically canon at this point. Not to mention, re-watchable as any other comedy made in the last 20 years. (August 16)
Top Three Series Leaving Netflix in August
-The Killing, seasons 1-3. It's that AMC show your one annoying friend won't stop recommending to you.
Nothing else, unless you count children shows. Which you don't.
Aggregate Grade of Movies and Series Leaving: B+. We're losing some really great comedies, and that's without including Finding Dory and the always-underrated Sausage Party.
Final Grade: A-. August is shaping up to be a great month for Netflix. Which works well for you: when you're not at the beach or by the pool, you'll have plenty of new #content to binge in the cool refuge of your well-conditioned abode.
You do call your home an "abode," don't you?