6 Ways Women Can "Step Up" At The Grammys Next Year

What If We Don't Sing At All?

By Kady Ruth Ashcraft ·

Did you tune into the Grammy’s last night? If not, you’re not alone. The musical awards show hit an all time ratings low and viewership was the lowest it’s been in almost a decade according to Deadline. Things don’t sound (pun intended) like they’re going so great over at the ol’ Grammy’s. To make matters worse, only one woman won an award during the broadcasted portion of the evening. Only 17 out of 86 winners were women.

But not to worry! The president of the Recording Academy president Neil Portnow addressed the glaring discrepancy. He admitted to the terrible oversight and erased the unnecessary second U2 performance. Just kidding. He said women need to “step up” if they want to be recognized. Hm, okay. Well, instead of flying into a blind rage and blasting some Dixie Chicks misandry country music let’s think about how women can step up and hopefully be recognized for their achievements next year.

  1. Sing Louder. Maybe that’s the issue and we’re just singing too quietly for the big men in suits sitting high up on their thrones handing out statues to hear us?
  2. Dance Faster. If women decide to dance a lot faster, subsequently including a lot more dance moves in a shorter amount of time, they will surely impress the macho Grammy men. You cannot deny all that dancing! Plus, if they dance so fast their blurs hypnotize the academy voters, they can make it so only women are nominated next year.
  3. Star In a Step Up Movie. If we want to take Portnow’s criticism literally, maybe women need to either star in or write a hit original song for movie in the Step Up franchise. Once we dominate that field, they won’t be able to deny us.
  4. Become Alison Krauss. Alison Krauss has won the most Grammys out of all women artists with 27 statues. Perhaps if all women, regardless of genre just stepped up and tried to emulate her a little bit more? Next year we’ll hear a Cardi B rendition of “I’ll Fly Away.” Trap folk we’ll call it.
  5. Never Stop Singing. Again, this is a dramatic approach but if we’re playing a numbers game, women should never stop singing, record everything they sing, and then statistically they have a higher chance of being nominated for more things. Nevermind the excruciating extra labor that’ll go into this, we must secure those golden gramophones!!
  6. Stop Singing.  Perhaps we take the exact opposite approach? If no women sing they’ll give us an in memoriam Grammy? That still counts, right?
Kady Ruth Ashcraft

Kady Ruth Ashcraft is a writer, comedian, filmmaker, and Amtrak Princess. Follow her on twitter @kadyrabbit and tweet her pictures of your pets.

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