What In the Hell Is Going On In This David Schwimmer Skittles Ad?

Hypothesizing the Outcomes of the Super Bowl's Most Mysterious Ad Campaign

By Thompson Brandes ·

With the NFL’s biggest night right around the corner, David Schwimmer is set to star in a Skittles Super Bowl ad so exclusive, you won’t even get to see it at all. In fact, only one person ever will: Canoga Park, California’s very own Marcos Menendez. The teenager was hand-selected by Skittles for his steadfast devotion to the candy and will have his reaction to the ad live-streamed upon his first watch.

The intent is to capture the heart and mind of one true fan in hopes that the remaining 100 million viewers will be overcome by Marcos's enthusiasm. Which begs the question: what in the hell is going down in this thing? We know David Schwimmer will be in it, and from the looks of these newly released teasers, we know things are going to get weird.

That was David Schwimmer open-mouth-lasering something in a turtleneck, and also David Schwimmer yelling at a turkey sandwich. There’s also two more of these teasers promoting the same 60-second spot, both equally as quirky. So what exactly is Schwimmer getting up to in the ultra-progressive Super Bowl spot? Let’s run through a few conjectures:

David Schwimmer is going to kill someone over a bag of Skittles.
This would certainly bump Schwimmer’s street-cred, and also checks out with the laser-eyes and turtleneck. But it seems like too hardcore of a concept to show a young teenage boy during a live-stream. - 20/1

David Schwimmer is going to save a man’s life with a bag of Skittles.
A remarkable tale of heroism and triumph. This sounds more like it. - 7/1

David Schwimmer is going to win his ex-wife back with the help of his talking lunch and a bag of Skittles.
Just seems on-brand with our distressed, tie-clad friend up there. - 10/1

This is all just the alternate Friends finale we've been waiting to see.
The Schwimmer cut. - 12/1

David Schwimmer is The One in a Matrix where we’re all living in a bag of Skittles.
It sounds like a long shot, but this would be the most Skittles-y commercial to ever air on television. - 9/1

David Schwimmer is going to start a Skittles Club where the first rule is “You don’t talk about Skittles Club.”
It would explain the split personalities is all I’m saying. - 20/1

David Schwimmer gets trapped in the Upside Down, but he’s just kind of cool with it because they have a bunch of Skittles down there.
Sweet and sour candy and sweet creamy nougat for David Schwimmer. - 40/1

David Schwimmer travels back in time to keep the Eagles together with a bag of Skittles.
This would be the Back to the Future effect but with more Skittles and cocaine. - 80/1

David Schwimmer has sex with a talking sandwich.
#PrayForMarcos - 100/1

Thompson Brandes

Thompson Brandes is getting sucked into another Jurassic Park movie on AMC right now.

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