Entertainment

The Five New Love Languages

Fall In Love With Someone Who Communicates Through GIFs

By Kady Ruth Ashcraft ·
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Surely you’re familiar with the five love languages which were introduced to our love-obsessed society through the aptly named book, The Five Love Languages. For those unfamiliar with or who would like a refresher, the five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

Basically, they are different ways in which we express our emotions and, depending on what you value the most (which you find out through a brief quiz), you're labeled as fluent in that particular language. When I took the quiz, I discovered I respond most positively to “acts of service” which means that I love when people do my laundry, feed me, treat me like a beloved child. What is more romantic than someone picking up tampons for you? Nothing.

That being said, I think it’s time we add more languages, because ultimately the original five are too limiting. It’s 2018—23 years since the book came out—and the world has changed. Someone who valued words of affirmation in 1995 didn’t know what a meme was and just how much it could transform their mood. Here are my suggestions of languages to add to the love lexicon:

GIFs

If your love language is GIFs, you appreciate a strong reference. It’s important for you and your partner to come from similar backgrounds or at least share passions for the same things. Knowing you can boil down a whole conversation into mere seconds of visual content is the foundation of your relationship.

Being On Time

For those of you who fall into this category, it’s important to you when people are...not late. This one is literal. Unfortunately, the only thing that matters to you is people showing up when they say they will. I guess you could call it “honesty,” but you get so extremely irritated when people are late it’s like they've physically harmed you. If your love language is “Being on Time” you can benefit from “chilling out.” These people are often caught saying, "back in the day," and  complaining about millennials. 

Spotify Playlists

People with the love language Spotify Playlists welcome thoughtful gestures. They might seem aloof, but that's because they're on their phone too much or have in their headphones and aren't paying attention to you. It's tough to connect with these people IRL. Get online and hook up, baby!

Tagging You In Instagram Posts

This love language is similar to GIFs, but people who value this most are usually a bit goofier. It means the world to them when they open their Instagram to see someone has been thinking about them. It really doesn't take more than that for them to feel valued. Just the fact that they were remembered is enough (brave new world). They're low-maintenance and appreciate a good laugh every now and then. 

Remembering Your Starbucks Order

To these folks, love and partnerships are all about the details. They're not big picture people and they're not tea folks. Don't forget that. They also respond well to brands. There is a reason they go to Starbucks and not the hipster bullshit cafe that takes seven minutes to make a latte. 

Kady Ruth Ashcraft is a writer, comedian, filmmaker, and Amtrak Princess. Follow her on twitter @kadyrabbit and tweet her pictures of your pets.

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