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8 Websites To Visit Before The FCC Makes It Impossible To Do So

Bid Adieu to Horoscopes and Neopets!

By Kady Ruth Ashcraft ·
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Welcome to this page on the Internet, dear reader. Isn’t it nice here. You can read this article, click on another article that promises to show you what Sasha Obama is doing at Harvard, or if you’d like, click on an ad about a local woman dentists hate. The Internet is full of wonder and is begging you to explore its deepest depths. Yes, that might mean looking at tentacle porn, but could also just be watching an actual squid tentacle being dissected by marine biologists on Youtube. The Internet lets you do both without judgement! Well, it did. Today the FCC voted to repeal Net Neutrality aka be judgy bitches when it comes to what you see online and charge you for it.

It isn’t officially law yet. Congress could potentially overturn the FCC’s ruling and decisions could be made in state courts as well to do the same. But considering the rest of the world has been going up in flames and nothing is no longer sacred, here are some websites to visit before it costs $115/month to do so. (That is a number I made up but that would be terrible right?)

1. Every horoscope website. The days of frantically combing through web forums, Susan Miller, and homemade websites riddled with typos just to find the horoscope that best fits your current mood might be coming to an end. With the neutrality repeal, providers might just funnel you to a single horoscope site and would won't be given thousands of options. Go, go right now and treasure the 2007 Yahoo commenter who says "All Leos are trash and don't realize what they're missing out on."

2. Enjoy a throwback to the early Wild West days of the 'net by cranking up your speakers and soaking in 2000's smash it, The Hamster Dance.

3. Buy a home, adopt children, and open up a thriving shop in your community...on Neopets! We'll all be so poor from having to pay to use the Internet, we won't be able to have any financial success outside of virtual realities!

4. GeoGuessr is just an incredibly fun site and seeing as how the FCC wants to limit fun, they will probably take this from us too. Get lost (literally) for awhile and distract yourself from the government's war on access to information.

5. Go to literally any video streaming site (PG or rated X, your decision) and enjoy the feeling of streaming video and opening up 12 wiki pages to see if the hot actor on the video your streaming is married of not! Providers might start slowing down our internet and you won't be able to hover over hotties' Personal Life section with such ease. 

6. Pay homage to another excellent thing taken from us too soon, Vine. Watch top quality Vine compilations, the purest art form of the 21st century. (Sorry, parkour.)

7. Make Google your homepage and search every weird thing your heart desires. Find that porn you've been dying to watch. Check in on your ex's LinkedIn and see what idiots are endorsing his communication skills. Look up and be pleasantly surprised that no one died building Mt. Rushmore. While we are still allowed to freely roam the Internet, please do so. Make some final memories to tell your children about. 

8. Sign this petition to tell Congress that what the FCC did was incredibly stupid and they shouldn't make the same mistake. 


Kady Ruth Ashcraft is a writer, comedian, filmmaker, and Amtrak Princess. Follow her on twitter @kadyrabbit and tweet her pictures of your pets.

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