"The war is over. They won." - Lester Bangs, Almost Famous
In the latest sign that nothing is real and that the concept of human beings as brands has spiraled beyond our control, you can now schedule a photo shoot—not a flight—on a private jet, for the purposes of bolstering your social media cachet.
The company bringing this absurdity to life is called, in a meta-nod to its parasitic levels of non-creativity, Private Jet Studio, and it's offering a $245 package where you get a two-hour shoot inside/outside a Gulfstream 65 with a professional photographer. And then, everyone in the world will follow and admire you, life will be full, and you will have transcended the bounds of earthly microfame to become, simply, an influencer.
You will, of course, be paying the $245 fee in rubles, because this opportunity is only happening in Moscow, which is so perfect I can't even choose which joke to make about it. Not content creating fake Antifa bots to wreak ungrammatical, ill-concealed havoc across the social media landscape, the Russians have stripped away what little authenticity legitimate social media accounts have to begin with and left a space for pure, unadulterated posing.
It's almost more honest, in a way. You can't help but make your Instagram account a projection of your best-possible self. It's only in those moments of flawless brunch platings and Amalfi Coast sunnings that we think to ourselves, "everyone needs to know I'm doing this right now. They want to know. Aaaaaand selfie. Phew, I was getting the shakes." Rarely do you find someone live-storying from the sales meeting or affixing Valencia atop a grocery store line tableau. But with Private Jet Studio, all pretense goes out the window. You've admitted to the world, to yourself, and a guy armed with a camera, and six different Twitter accounts set up to support Ed Gillespie, that you want the world to think you've been in a private jet, because...
Maybe it's best not to finish that thought.