Congratulations to 2017 World Series Champion Larry King

Houston May Have Won the Game, But Larry King Won the Night

By Thompson Brandes ·
Jerritt Clark, Getty Images

Last night was the most fun I’ve ever had watching Larry King. And I say that because it was, in fact, the first time I had ever watched Larry King do anything at all. I have never watched his talk shows nor listened to him on the radio, and I definitely don't know what he is up to now (though on a hunch, I would say he is retired—is he retired?). All I know is that he is a legend. And that legend grew last night as he gracefully withered away behind home plate for a solid 8 ½ innings in Dodger Stadium.

Do you see him? Here, look again:

Yes, there he is—basking in all his infinite skin and glory. But if you're sitting there wondering if Fox's name graphic appearing like a name tag was the best moment of the night, you're wrong. Here are some of the more notable things that led to Larry’s big viral win during last night’s World Series Game 7:

  • It was a delightful 65 degrees in Los Angeles last night, yet Larry seems to be fully dressed and prepared to summit the Matterhorn.

  • “Larry King has not stopped eating ice cream this entire game” is a real, non-hyperbolic text I received last night from a friend. If I had to take an honest guess, I would say that he was plowing into a helmet of Dippin’ Dots for a good 75% of the game. In retrospect, this might be why he wore so much clothes.

  • He found some time to take this devilish selfie with Arsenio Hall:

(Why do I feel like Larry and Arsenio just dropped an ex-lax into Lance McCullers’s Powerade here? They look awfully up-to-something.)

  • At some point during the game, I realized that this might be Larry’s greatest viral moment since that time he and his family dressed entirely in Ed Hardy for the Kids’s Choice Awards.

  • Finally, and I swear this with my whole heart, Larry King didn’t just leave last night’s World Series Game 7, he evaporated from it. Teleported. Disappeared. Whatever you’d like to call it—look:

Everything looks fine right? Larry’s ready for a no-out rally in the ninth to save the World Series at home. And then, just like that, ONE PITCH LATER:

Gone. Larry King is no longer with us—and that's because he is currently beating the hell out of traffic on the 101. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2017 World Series Champion, Larry King.

Thompson Brandes

Thompson Brandes is getting sucked into another Jurassic Park movie on AMC right now.

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