Go Ahead and Buy the Country's Most Famous Brothel

It's So Much More Than a Home

By Hadley Tomicki ·

There are many ways to become a pimp.

 Buy a bigger hat and a vestigial cane.

 Elongate your vowel sounds whilst saying “shit.”

 Begin profiting from the hard labor of prostitutes.

 Or just pass go and buy the most infamous brothel in Nevada for $4.5 million.

That appears to be an option now that the Chicken House and the 40 acres it sits upon are currently up for sale. According to KTNV, a “For Sale” sign now graces the famous legal brothel, in the hope that Warren Buffet will drive by one of these days and close the deal himself.

The Chicken Ranch name is legendary, as an age-old house of ill repute founded in Texas in 1844, and eventually as the subject of the Broadway stage and film versions of the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. The Nevada incarnation opened in 1976 amid significant controversy, eventually becoming the victim of arsonists two years later. The new operation that rose from its ashes was also the focus of an early documentary film by Kurt & Courtney director Nick Broomfield.

As the closest whorehouse to Las Vegas proper, the buyer will not only attain a business that currently offers paid dalliances with 51 women, they’ll be acquiring so much more. Like a house to call a home.

No, just kidding. Though the 40 acres does contain a house with a living room, kitchen, bar and various bedrooms for the girls, there are also themed guest bungalows, offices, a pool, workout room, strip club, bar and spa attached to the property. All furniture will be included with the price, because surprise surprise, absolutely nobody wants to even think about touching the ottoman in Dahlia’s room.

The buyer will also acquire licensing and merchandising rights to the Chicken Ranch name, which grants the ability to sell "Freshly Laid" trucker hats to frat boys who don’t actually have the balls to drive out to Pahrump, Nevada, but hope to look seasoned enough to convince girls back at school that they won't bust a nut within 15 seconds of seeing a live female vagina.

No word on whether buying this property immediately puts you in charge of a 51-strong stable of capitalist sex workers, but the hat and the cane should be pretty easy to find at Hot Topic this time of year.

Hadley Tomicki

Hadley Tomicki lives in Los Angeles. He is probably going nowhere on the 10 Freeway this very second.

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