Entertainment

Imagining the Alternative Programming for Trump TV

Get Ready for Late Night with Seb Gorka

By Sam Eichner ·
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Photo: Getty Images/Page Six
Over the weekend, pro-Trump CNN commentator Kayleigh McEnany left her post at the network to host a “news of the week” segment on the President’s Facebook page, the first installment of which was hosted by Eric Trump’s wife, Lara.

As many news outlets have been quick to point out, this is pretty much agitprop trotted out as real news. Evidently, Fox just wasn’t as blatantly state-run as POTUS would’ve liked. Suck on that, Hannity!

But is this series just an end unto itself or the seed of Trump TV’s media empire? Join us, as we imagine alternative programming for this hypothetical TV network...

Everyone Hates Maggie
A weekly tirade against Maggie Haberman and the failing New York Times.

Trump’s Saturday Morning Cartoons: The Press Briefings
Sarah Huckabee Sanders and the gang deliver only good news to all you kids out there!

The Trump TV Roast of Jeff Sessions
Like a normal roast, but sad.

Trump’s Golf Network
24/7 programming filled with rounds of Trump playing golf, lessons from Trump, putting clinics from Trump and Trump racing his golf carts all over the goddamn green.

Public Access Russian TV
Running from 2am-5am daily.

Lock Her Up
Scripted television series about a female democratic candidate for president who gets jailed over a private email server she kept while she was Secretary of State.

The Real Housewives of 1600 Penn
Melania. Ivanka. Steve Bannon’s cock.

Late Night with Seb Gorka
This oughta be fun.

Trump TV’s The Bachelor
Trump is the bachelor; all of his suitors are mail-order brides. Nobody cares that Trump is already married, other than notable fucking prude Mike Pence.

All in the Family
Just reruns of All in the Family, except everybody watching takes Archie Bunker’s behavior at face value.

Sam Eichner likes literature, reality television and his twin cats equally. He has consistently been told he needs a shave since he started growing facial hair.

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