A loving wife and two lovely daughters...
A significant legacy...
A high approval rating amongst people, like, in the world...
Friends with boats...
So on the occasion of our former president’s 56th birthday, we got to thinking: what would you get for this guy as a gift?
Here’s what we came up with.
-A comfortable pair of New Balance 997s.
-A special ex-president White House surveillance warrant.
-A lightly used copy of Southside with You on Blu-Ray.
-A Supreme Court nomination.
-A hand-written coupon good for “One Hug” from Joe Biden.
-A writing workshop led by Marilynne Robinson.
-A dope pair of slim-fitting A.P.C jeans.
-A different goddamn successor.
-Three hand-rolled joints and a winking promise that “we’ll never tell.”
-Assurance that his landmark healthcare legislation won’t be ripped to shreds.
-Personal rapping lessons from Kendrick Lamar.
-A Democratic congress.
-Carte blanche to write book reviews for The Times in place of Michiko Kakutani.