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What Do You Get for the Former POTUS Who Has Everything?

A Few Gift Ideas on the Occasion of Barack Obama's 56th Birthday

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Photo: Pier Marco Tacca via Getty Images
Barack Obama’s got it all.

A loving wife and two lovely daughters...

A significant legacy...

A high approval rating amongst people, like, in the world...

Friends with boats...

So on the occasion of our former president’s 56th birthday, we got to thinking: what would you get for this guy as a gift?

Here’s what we came up with.

-A comfortable pair of New Balance 997s.

-A special ex-president White House surveillance warrant.

-A lightly used copy of Southside with You on Blu-Ray.

-A Supreme Court nomination.

-A hand-written coupon good for “One Hug” from Joe Biden.

-A writing workshop led by Marilynne Robinson.

-A dope pair of slim-fitting A.P.C jeans.

-A different goddamn successor.

-Three hand-rolled joints and a winking promise that “we’ll never tell.”

-Assurance that his landmark healthcare legislation won’t be ripped to shreds.

-Personal rapping lessons from Kendrick Lamar.

-A Democratic congress.

-Carte blanche to write book reviews for The Times in place of Michiko Kakutani.

-Cigs.

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