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Sean Spicer Has Reportedly Turned Down Dancing with the Stars

By Sam Eichner ·
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Photo: NurPhoto via Getty Images
Hi.

Are you sitting down?

Good.

With sorrow in our hearts, we regret to inform you that former press secretary to the President of the United States, Sean Spicer, will not be a participant on ABC’s Dancing with the Stars.

Obviously the entertainment value of Sean Spicer attempting in vain to learn the foxtrot—admittedly, the only dance I know the name of—would’ve been at an all-time, Mooch-level high.

Just imagine the costumes! The stilted moves! The sly political innuendos from the judges! Dancing with the Stars would’ve been the most embarrassing thing Sean Spicer had ever done, aside from the thing Sean Spicer did to earn himself the chance to go on Dancing with the Stars.

But alas. We don’t want to ruin your weekend with such heartbreaking news, so allow us to present this as a silver lining: just because Sean Spicer turned down Dancing with the Stars, doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t participate in other reality TV shows.

He could be a real threat on Survivor.

I imagine he’d do okay on Lip Sync Battle.

And what if...what if he ended up as a contestant on another reboot of The Celebrity Apprentice?

Boy. That would be rich.

Sam Eichner likes literature, reality television and his twin cats equally. He has consistently been told he needs a shave since he started growing facial hair.

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