Say Coochie Coochie Coo to Beyoncé's Twins, Sir and Rumi

10 Rhetorical Questions Regarding Beyoncé's Latest Instagram Post

By Sam Eichner ·
Photo: CBS Photo Archive via Getty Images
A month after giving birth, Beyoncé took to Instagram late last night to give the public their first look at her new twins, Sir and Rumi.

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on Jul 13, 2017 at 10:10pm PDT

Naturally, we had some questions...

Why is it that every time Beyoncé Instagrams about these twins it seems like the dawning of the age of Aquarius?

Is Rumi the girl? Is Sir the boy? Or is Sir the girl, and Beyoncé is just using her nomenclature as some sort of feminist statement?

If you’re Rumi, aren’t you like, “Why am I just Rumi when my bro is Sir? Doesn’t that feel uneven, Mom? Aren’t you setting me up for a life of inter-twin inequality? Can I have some FUCKING milk?”

From @Dragen_lorena on Instagram: “I have seen this before it's called the Virgen [sic] Mary of the roses.” So you’re saying these children were immaculately conceived, @Dragen_lorena? I’d believe that.

Why does Beyoncé look like the bride in a highly spiritual wedding ceremony where “souls align,” the minister is a bearded yogi and the rings are just daisies whose stems have been tied into knots?

What must Beyoncé’s notes to the babysitter be like?

Does Beyoncé shadily subscribe to Goop?

Are these destiny’s actual children?

What if Beyoncé’s babies were ugly? Like Seinfeld-ugly-baby ugly? I’m obviously not saying they are, they’re probably super cute, but, like, what if they were? Which hot-take-online-media publication would dare call that out?

Where is Jay-Z?

Eh, don’t answer that.
Sam Eichner

Sam Eichner likes literature, reality television and his twin cats equally. He has consistently been told he needs a shave since he started growing facial hair.

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