Today, we’re taking on model, actress and painfully attractive human being Emily Ratajkowski.
Followers: 13.7 million
Follows That Fall Within the Bell Curve
A bulk of Em Rata’s Instagram follows are various models (Ashley Graham, Bella Hadid, etc), female celebrities (Lena Dunham, Kate Bosworth [ED NOTE: did she make a comeback I missed?], Katy Perry), fashion-related publications (Vanity Fair, InStyle, W), Kardashians and unverified people we can only assume are her actual friends. This is more or less aligned with her public persona, and so will be accepted as the standard against which to compare the follows that fall outside the mean.
This is where things get interesting, and where the majority of our analysis will take place. After all, it’s not surprising that Ms. Ratajkowski follows Doutzen Kroes and Katy Perry like any other self-respecting Instagrammer. Here’s what we learned from some of the outliers.
Question: Do people who read The New Yorker on a consistent basis actually follow The New Yorker on Instagram? Answer: Maybe. Other answer: Maybe not. Maybe people who just want other people to think they read The New Yorker follow The New Yorker on Instagram. Isn’t that, like, the tertiary purpose of Instagram? I think Em Rata can have it both ways: she probably reads The New Yorker but also wants people to know she reads The New Yorker. (Which, let’s face it, is half the reason anyone buys a New Yorker subscription in the first place.) For some reason, I also imagine her being really into Richard Brody.
@runningwildflorals and @twigandtwine
I’ve chosen to group these two together because they’re California-based floral design companies. I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, a girl who likes flowers. Big whoop! Go back to your day job, wait this is your day job, wow, sucks to suck.” But hear me out: there’s a difference between liking flowers as an emblem of romance and liking floral arrangements. There’s something dare-I-say Georgia O’Keeffian—yeah, O’Keeffian—about her digging these floral arrangements. Either that, or she’s a) preparing for a wedding (her wedding?!?!) or b) preparing to star in a reboot of The Wedding Planner. Oh yeah, she also follows J. Lo.
An Italian bulldog of no particular repute.
Em Rata follows a woman named Emma Ní Chonaill describing herself as “Aer Lingus cabin crew.” Is this connected to the aforementioned “Italian bulldog of no particular repute”? Could she possibly be flying to Italy (via Dublin, it’s probably cheaper that way, never mind, she probably has a ton of miles) to visit her Italian bulldog? Or did she just have a really good experience on Aer Lingus and wanted to show her appreciation by throwing her flight attendant—who just demonstrated the safety procedures with such panache—an Insta follow? (The option I’m consciously choosing not to consider: they’re friends.)
Yes, she follows Courtney Love Cobain, which I have to admit is a pretty cool person to follow. Suspicious, too: Love has been involved in more than one social media defamation case. Maybe Ratajkowski is looking to learn from her trolling ways in order to take down her supermodel rivals.
Emily Ratajkowski is getting married in Italy to boyfriend Jeff Magid, flying Aer Lingus to get there, designing the floral arrangements herself and subsequently adopting that no-name bulldog, the unparalleled cuteness of which, combined with her sex appeal, crack social media defamation skills, feminist credentials and knowledge of Godard-style framing via Richard Brody, will lead to ultimate Instagram supremacy.