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“Maybe Your Houseplant Is Upset Because You Forgot to Ask It How It’s Feeling Today.”

10 Things You’ll Overhear Today

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Welcome to Monday. We spent the morning reading the entire Internet for the 10 bits of news most vital to your being. Then we made up a quote about each one that you might ponder, overhear or maybe even deploy over the course of the day. We call it The Cooler, and we suggest sprinkling it liberally over your daily conversation.

1. “A Meatpacking club just feels like the wrong place to announce your memoir.”

2. “You couldn’t pay me enough to chug a beer in the middle of a run.”

3. “The man did great things for the button-down.”

4. “Maybe your houseplant is upset because you forgot to ask it how it’s feeling today.”

5. “I really should put more into my relationship. With my tailor.”

6. “He plays a mean Lyndon B. Johnson, but I can’t stop picturing him as Walter White.”

7. “I wonder how Twitter is celebrating its birthday.”

8. “The £200 million vessel is probably going to be named RRS Boaty McBoatface, which brings me great joy.”

9. “Everyone needs a dream, and theirs happened to be to build the world’s fastest motorized log. I respect that.”

10. “You think you’re qualified to judge 800 meat pies?”

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