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“Sorry, You Caught Me in the Middle of Dramatically Listing Off Guerrilla Marketing Tactics.”

The Cooler: Your 10 Talking Points for Today

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Here’s where we distill our expert Internet-consuming abilities into a concise list of 10 daily bons mots for you to casually deploy into any conversation you feel could use some timely pop-culture insight. It’s a service we call: The Cooler.

1. “You watch the Republican primary debate last night? Yeah, me neither. I watched the All-Trump debate moderated by Stephen Colbert instead.”

2. “I’m blasting Jefferson Airplane in the office today in honor of Paul Kantner. What? Well, Bill wouldn’t know a good rock band if Jimi Hendrix came back from the dead and played a guitar solo right in front of his goddamn face.”

3. “Coffee sleeves. Vending machines. A tank filled with books. Sorry, you caught me in the middle of dramatically listing off guerrilla marketing tactics people are adopting to promote reading literature.”

4. “I think if I was from the British working class, I would be proud of fashion’s cultural appropriation of their style. But, hey, what do I know.”

5. “Screaming teenage girls and pop music have a longer relationship than you might think. Unless you think their relationship has been going on for the last 60 years. In which case, maybe we read the same article.”

6. “Is a mockery of performance art still performance art? Will Cindy finally file those reports today? These are the essential questions of our time.”

7. “You think you’ve got a lot of work to do for your Super Bowl party. I heard about this one guy who had to cater a pre–Super Bowl party for 5,000 people. And some of them requested turtle steaks.”

8. “I have it on good authority that there might be an N.W.A. reunion show sooner than you think.”

9. “The closest thing to Mad Men might have come out of Russia, believe it or not.”

10. “You mean to tell me you’ve never once wondered what it would be like for the voice of Kevin Spacey to be trapped inside your house cat? Bullshit.”

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