Entertainment

“I Had a Dream That Rihanna and Drake—Oh, They Did?”

The Cooler: Your Talking Points for Today

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Here’s where we distill our expert Internet-consuming abilities into a concise list of 10 daily bons mots for you. Feel free to deploy them at will to earn great renown as a sparkling font of pop-cultural knowledge. We call it: The Cooler.

1. “Oh, the Mapplethorpe biopic? Yeah, Shoshanna from Girls is playing Patti Smith. At least Adam Driver is not playing Robert. Actually, would that have been terrible? It’s hard to know anymore.”

2. “I just plunged my now-frozen foot into a six-inch dirty slush pile at 22nd and 6th. Who the f**k is responsible for this?

3. “Tim, those boots... If only you’d read this British GQ guide to non-ridiculous waterproof office shoes...”

4. “Well, as Sasha Petraske would’ve said, ‘If you put a bottle of liquor on the bar and the label is not facing the guest, you’re still an asshole.’”

5. “Boy, I tell you, ever since Whitney Houston’s 1991 rendition of ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ at the Super Bowl, I haven’t heard the anthem the same.”

6. “Last night I had a dream that Rihanna and Drake—oh, they did? It’s called ‘Work’? Cool.”

7. “If you ask me, Ted Cruz is more of an ‘El Condor Pasa.’

8. “No, not that Birth of a Nation, the new one that just sold for a Sundance-record-breaking $17.5 million.”

9. “This is why I’m thinking about joining up with the Coast Guard.”

10. “You’re not one of those pretentious people who’s always talking about really funny McSweeney’s things like this Millennial Think-Piece Bingo board, are you? Yeah, me either.”

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