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How to Break Your Resolutions in Style

Congrats on all those resolutions you made yesterday. Inspired. Ambitious, even. Now, let’s get to breaking them. Below, the rocks on which your Good Ship Resolution will crash and perish.

Anti-Resolution: A Huge Sandwich
RESOLUTION: EAT HEALTHIER

Anti-Resolution: A Huge Sandwich

The only logical question at Fat Pete’s Barbecue: “What would Fat Pete do?” The answer: probably eat a sandwich called the Belly Buster, with smoked bologna, a half pound each of pulled pork and brisket, candied bacon, BBQ sauce and mac and cheese. Okay, it’s more of a knife-and-fork operation.

Anti-Resolution: A 40-Ounce Cocktail
RESOLUTION: DRINK LESS

Anti-Resolution: A 40-Ounce Cocktail

You can get enormous libations at the new McClellan’s Retreat if you know to ask for them. See, the bartenders have these 40-ounce shakers behind the bar, and if you’re with a group, you can see what cocktails they’ll whip up for you in large-batch formats. Time to test your definition of a “group.”

Anti-Resolution: Once-a-Year Cigars
RESOLUTION: STOP SMOKING

Anti-Resolution: Once-a-Year Cigars

The full-size smokes in this box contain 10 tobacco leaves, versus an average of six to eight in most cigars. And you get another 10, one for each of the component tobaccos to create the blend. Might want to ration these, because they’re only available once a year.

Anti-Resolution: Better Vices
RESOLUTION: CUT DOWN ON VICES

Anti-Resolution: Better Vices

You’re very deserving, making it through another year and all. And what you deserve is this: five courses of game in Pinea’s dark, downstairs root cellar. Oh, and each course is paired with a different expression of Pappy Van Winkle, from 10 year to 23 year. We buried the lead there.

Jan 17, 7pm, $449, Pinea, 515 15th St NW, reserve at 202-661-2442 or here

Anti-Resolution: Amazing Safe-Deposits
RESOLUTION: STOP KEEPING SECRETS

Anti-Resolution: Amazing Safe-Deposits

Now open to house your coin collection... or some one-of-a-kind photos... or your stash of microfilm that proves a global conspiracy... it’s this concierge-staffed storage facility, filled with private vaults and safe-deposit boxes. Yes, it’s secure. No, they won’t ask you for your Social Security number.

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