Down for the Count

2013, by the Numbers

Dear 2013,

You’ve been great. You gave us 17 days without a federal government and George Clooney floating in outer space. For that, we thank you.

But now it’s time to ride our champagne-powered rocket ships into 2014. So before we go, let’s break down the year’s most memorable moments as numerically as possible:

Papal medallions upon which the Vatican misspelled “Jesus”: 6,000
Cost of a virtual “Golden Jay” in Snoop Dogg’s Snoopify app: $100
Legitimate Bitcoin ATMs that appeared in the wild: 1
Value of the Pappy Van Winkle 20-year stash stolen from its distillery: $26,000
Minutes Justin Bieber spent in a Brazilian brothel: 180
Amount of data the NSA collected regarding your whereabouts: [REDACTED]
Unlikely friendships formed between North Korean dictators and NBA Hall of Famers: 1
Rappers who successfully claimed “rain-making” on their taxes: > 1
Minutes of the Super Bowl delayed due to a power outage: 35
Length of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” music video: 272 seconds
Time you spent rewatching Emily Ratajkowski’s masterful acting abilities: > 272 seconds

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