Keeping you informed. We try to do that. But we also keep you in the dark about certain things. Certain terrible things. Which no one needs to see. Then, one day, it all comes pouring out. Today is that day. Behold: five highlights from our rejection pile for 2013.
“It’s not a costume,” says the website selling these coats—which are actually faux suits with realistic head hoodies in panda, grizzly bear and gray wolf. “It’s a lifestyle.” Well, okay. Fine. It’s a lifestyle. But now people who call themselves furries can finally say, “Too weird for me.”
Hey, everyone: this vodka says it has attitude. Yeah, man. Attitude. But look, here’s the thing: by “attitude,” they mean it tastes like you’re doing shots from a tobacco-spit cup. Yes, that’s right: it’s the world’s first tobacco-flavored vodka. Also available in menthol. That’s not a joke.
Oh, you got an owie. Poor baby. Here’s a gross-looking black leather Band-Aid for you. This leather bandage looks like it would be right at home in the first-aid kit at an underground S&M club. They like owies there.
You’re multitasking. You’re web surfing. You’re Facebooking. You’re Face Timeing. You’re Skypeing. You’re Spotifying. You’re Angry Birding. You’re totally naked. Oh, and you’re using a shower curtain iPad holder and speaker system—the invention the world never needed.
Fifty Shades of Grey. Some found it kinky. Others found it didn’t have enough dinosaur erotica for their tastes. This literary achievement brings together cavewomen and herbivorous horny beasts. We’re using that term scientifically.
