The Great Escape

A Computer Virus for Leaving Work Early

None Forget the fake cough.

Here’s the best way to get out of work early tomorrow.

Politely excuse yourself for Happy Hour Virus, a website that makes your computer look broken so that you can proceed about your evening earlier than usual, online now.

We know: you’re not a fake-computer-virus expert. You’re just someone who’d like to spend a little more time outside the office with your loved ones. (Your “loved ones” can include bourbon.) So here’s a step-by-step guide on how to work this website to your advantage...

Step 1: Type the URL address into your browser. It’ll start with a “www.” and end with a “happyhourvirus.com.”

Step 2: Select a virus. There’s the “Kernel Panic” for Macs. The “Blue Screen of Death” for PCs. And the “Broken Monitor” for... when you want it to look like you have a broken monitor.

Step 3: Watch everything go to hell. Throw your hands in the air. Dramatically exhale while proclaiming, “Great, now this definitely won’t get done till Monday.”

Step 4: Exit the building in a calm, collected manner. Head to your nearest hot-toddying establishment.

And hope nobody’s smart enough to hit the Escape button.

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