There’s this resort in Bermuda, Elbow Beach. Looks just like what you’d imagine a 50-acre beachside Eden would look like. Also looks like the kind of place you’d like to commandeer in its entirety for a weekend. Good thing they’ve just unveiled a new package: The Resort, which lets you do exactly that, taking reservations now. We know, it’s a lot to process—so allow us to quantify it for you:

Distance to the mainland, in miles: 640
Total rooms at this place: 98
Maximum guest capacity: 200 (or 201, if you’re cool with a pull-out mattress)
Maids, lifeguards, chefs and beach servants that come included: all of them
Check-in time: 3pm
Checkout time: technically 11am (but probably whenever you say so)
Length of beach at your disposal, in feet: 2,640
Grains of pink sand on that beach: 9,764,873,344,002 (give or take)
Holes of golf within driving distance: 72
Within carting distance: 9
On-site restaurants: 4
On-beach restaurants: 1
Types of wine in the cellar: 552
Wines that you can pronounce: 475
On-site nightclubs to host your sold-out karaoke performance: 1
On-site dive shops to outfit your synchronized scuba performance: 1
Private yachts named The Venetian: 1
Number of times that yacht has actually been to Venice: 0
Sopranos episodes filmed here: 1
Times you’ll say, “Hey, did you know there was a Sopranos episode filmed here?”: 36