Or the greatest ski trip anyone’s ever had.
But it’s called Three Valleys, Three Countries, and it’s a five-night jaunt through the Swiss, Italian and French Alps, and you can book it now.
Three valleys, three countries: pretty much lives up to its name. You’ll be skiing through three nations on raw, Planet Earth–worthy alpine terrain, occasionally by helicopter. (You knew there’d be helicopters.)
You’ll start off in the great wintry neutrality of Switzerland at a 200-year-old hotel in Valais. There, your guides will prepare you for the glacial valleys and mountain-tunnel hikes you’ll be embarking on in the morning, and the heli-skiing you’ll do on the Swiss-French border the day after.
On the third day, you rest. And that’s when the monks come into the picture...
You’ll hit the Great St. Bernard Hospice and enjoy high tea with the holy men there. They don’t say much, but damned if they don’t brew a superb chamomile.
At this point, you’re wondering where the cobblestoned Italian villages are. Your answer: Courmayeur. Your Italian time will be more sauna-and-Turkish-bath-filled than your Swiss time, but we’ll assume that’s okay.
Once you’re sufficiently Turkish-bathed, you’ll take on the icefalls and crevasses of the Vallée Blanche in France before spending one last night in Italy.
Always end on a sauna note.