You’re well versed.
The “It’s not you, it’s me.” The “Look, you’re great, but my country needs me.” The enduring genius of the fake death.
But there’s another way. One that doesn’t involve hiring actors to play your distraught family at a Potemkin funeral.
Introducing WotWentWrong, a Web app where you’ll answer their burning what-went-wrong questions without ever seeing them again, online now.
This app... well, it lets your jilted dates kindly request an explanation (in a convenient online survey form) for why you vanished. Now, we’d never suggest you’d do something like not calling back after a date. But life happens. Phones break. Amnesia strikes when you least expect it. The problem: that Peruvian cocoa butter spokesmodel who turned out to be a little fierier than you bargained for really thought things were going great. And now, answers are needed.
Let them down softly like this: first, they’ll send a gently worded request (note: gentleness not guaranteed) in an email or a text for you to answer a few questions about them. Then, you’ll be a sport and answer. You’ll kindly, carefully break it to them that they’re a touch too clingy. Or that it wasn’t endearing when they said, “That’s funny” instead of laughing. Once you finish, they’ll get some closure from your feedback, along with a little advice.
No one takes advice like a scorned ex.