We’ve found the Holy Grail.

It has something for every single person on your Christmas list. (Yep, even Ozzie Guillén.)

It’s all inside a single box—a vending machine, really. Hidden exactly where you’d least expect it: the mall.

Introducing the Utique Shop, a tiny little gift-dispensing kiosk for your holiday-shopping and random-gift-giving needs, waiting for you now at Aventura Mall.

This is how it goes. You’ve procrastinated Santa-ing until the last minute. So you reluctantly make your way up to that sprawling shopping center. Weave your way through tweens, elves and cougars in terrycloth sweat suits until you’re in front of the J.Crew store. Then, look behind you, and there it is: a space-age machine full of everything you need.

It’s like a 21st-century version of your standard vending machine—you’ll make your selections on the touchscreen, swipe your credit card and collect your package from the drop box. But instead of Snickers and Cool Ranch Doritos, you’ll find whiskey stones, flasks and a Kung Fu Sutra kit consisting of individually packaged condoms with erotic drawings on each box.

You know, the usual stocking stuffers.