Well, it’s time to reclaim the Zone—literally. As in, take its stuff home with you. Because by order of their landlord, The ESPN Zone Auction is now live, hawking everything from Pop-a-Shot games to 50-inch plasmas to beer taps. Herewith, our five favorite items from a sports graveyard.
Industrial-Size Nacho Cheese Dispenser
Lot #: 11622
Current Bid: $27.86
Useful For: The sudden, devastating application of warm, cheese-like substances. You know Chris Berman’s got one.
Electronic Score Tickers
Lot #: 16726
Current Bid: $301
Useful For: Scrolling your desired message over two 89-inch LED displays. Marriage proposals, for instance.
Lot of 19 Studio Lights
Lot #: 16748
Current Bid: A steal at $24.70
Useful For: Broadcasting your own highly produced halftime show from the confines of your kitchen. Liberal uses of the word “booyah”: optional.
Countdown Arcade Game, Redskins Version
Lot #: 19831
Current Bid: $400
Useful For: Turning your entire basement into an arcade game where you’re the quarterback (it’s 20 feet long). Also: giving John Beck a few pointers.
Giant Photo of Ron and Nancy Reagan in a Cemetery
Lot #: 19952
Current Bid: $110
Useful For: Making Rummy and Cheney feel right at home next time you invite them over. For a game of Pop-a-Shot.