Perhaps it's time to get back to simple in-your-face, throat-burning basics.
A big, bracing swig of moonshine should do the trick.
Introducing Wisconsin's best-kept secret: Death's Door Whiskey, a white lightning that falls somewhere past "hair on your chest" but nowhere near "blind you for life" in terms of its strength.
Only 360 hand-numbered bottles of the first batch were produced and meted out to a handful of Chicago and Wisconsin bars and retailers—so what you're getting your hands on isn't just strong, it's rare.
Like the fabled porch-still stuff, this whiskey goes from barrel to bottle in a matter of days, retaining a clear-as-Evian color. It's not fear of the revenuers that drives the speedy production, either; these distillers are all about capturing the full-on flavor of their pesticide-free Washington Island wheat. (That's right, wheat. If you want corn mash, try Kentucky.)
And don't let the fancy artisanal heritage fool you. Death's Door is 80 proof, and packs razor-in-your-mouth immediacy. You could cut it with a cold glass of poolside lemonade, but we think it's best taken straight.
Though probably not too close to candles.