You had a good run. Made strong memories. (Some of which will be forever preserved on microfiche.)
But now, well... time to call it quits. Time to pick yourself up, do the honorable thing and...
... email Alexi Wasser, a woman who will move heaven, earth and webcam to deliver sensitive news for you, taking requests now.
Combine Paul Revere and Clooney in Up in the Air, but with blue eyes and a wildly popular sex blog. A messenger who’ll find a delicate way to tell your significant other you’re really a deposed Central European monarch posing as an American to test whether she really cares about you. (She failed.) Or to inform your boss you’re resigning to chase dreams of professional pinball stardom. In Uruguay.
The plan: you’ll email Alexi with the message you truly wish you could deliver in person. She’ll interpret it in her succinct, caring way, record a video with that interpretation (“Sorry, but country/pinball comes first,” that sort of thing) and then send it to your significant other/boss. (Oh, and post it online. So proceed with caution.)
To be clear, this isn’t the way to handle your garden-variety “It’s not you, it’s me” scenario. It’s for the one who set all your clothes on fire, sold your yellow lab and used all your gin to make appletinis.
Worst boss you’ve ever had.