You live by a few hard and fast mantras. Among them: if it’s good enough for Congress, it’s good enough for you. Especially when it comes to reckless, decadent spending. Yes, hard on the heels of our esteemed legislators, it’s time for you, gentle citizen, to raise your own debt limit. Here’s how to send your finances up in flames.
It’s not that you have anything against bottle service. It’s just so... one-dimensional. Not at this new champagne-fueled cabaret, where a cool $2K gets your friends five half-bottles of liquor (lest you get bored), along with lobster, Kobe sliders, dessert and a prime view of the burlesque-apades on stage.
The problem with your private island in the Chesapeake? That Bay Bridge traffic. That is, until you enlist the services of this chopper charter, complete with catering and limo service to the airport. Disclaimer: your private island’s private currency may not be accepted as payment.
With all this money flying around, you may become a target. Enter a bulletproof hotel room. Usually reserved for visiting heads of state and the like, the Four Seasons’ 3,000-square-foot Royal Suite has its own entrance and security cameras, a huge private terrace—and bulletproof glass. Now you just need a popemobile.
But in order to really run up your life’s tab, you’re going to need to throw a party. And get some entertainment. Like the darlings of DC indie rock, U.S. Royalty, fresh off their first headlining slot at 9:30 Club. Offer to let them use your fog machine.
First, you’ll talk to the maître d’ about your expectations (they’re high). Then you’ll settle in with six to eight friends for 10 courses, which may include a lobster burger or short ribs braised for 60 hours. Which will also be how long you’ll go before eating again.
