Patriot Act

Your July 4 BBQ Bill of Rights

The Constitution. The Gettysburg Address. Bill Pullman’s speech in Independence Day. All watershed moments in our country’s history. And yet none address your God-given grilling rights as a barbecue-loving American. So in honor of the Fourth, we’ve drafted some amendments to put into action this weekend. Remember to ratify immediately after reading.

UD - The Freedom to Fry Your Pies

The Freedom to Fry Your Pies

There’s nothing more American than a homemade pie. And there’s nothing more delicious than buttermilk-brined fried chicken. So as a special for the Fourth, you’ll be permitted to order a flaky, gravy-filled, potted version that combines them both from the patriotic bakers at Pie Corps. Don’t forget to salute the delivery guy.

UD - The Right to Bear Tongs

The Right to Bear Tongs

If you’re grilling this weekend, there’s a good chance you’ll have to assemble outside city limits. Here to make the trip worthwhile: Dinosaur Bar-B-Que, who’ll drop by and construct an on-site fire pit. Then they’ll fill said pit with moist brisket. Then they’ll perform a stirring rendition of Neil Diamond’s “Coming to America.” Maybe.

UD - The Power to Mix Condiment & Beer

The Power to Mix Condiment & Beer

We’re not saying that you necessarily need to combine Sixpoint Bengali Tiger IPA with jalapeño whole-grain mustard, but just knowing that you can if you want to, well that right there is the American Dream. And the ultimate kosher hot dog topping.

UD - Consensual Quartering of Cheeseburgers

Consensual Quartering of Cheeseburgers

Nobody tells you how to make a hamburger in your own home. But that doesn’t mean what’s good for you (guacamole, Swiss, shoestring onions) is good for your guests. Thankfully, the Counter is willing to transplant their entire burger-building operation to your living room. Imagine a sundae bar. Only medium-rarer.

Custom Burger Bar from The Counter, available now for delivery, 212-997-6801

UD - Permitting Unreasonable Sausage Seizure

Permitting Unreasonable Sausage Seizure

You don’t necessarily have record-setting aspirations this holiday weekend, but that won’t keep you from making a stop at Dickson’s Farmstead Meats for a cooler packed with gourmet housemade sausages. You’ll have more than enough Chili Garlic links to grill or to host an unsanctioned eating contest on Coney Island.

Elsewhere on the Daddy

More Food in New York

Take Your Pleasure Seriously.