High-stakes poker chips. Gold bullion. Highly classified government documents that WikiLeaks doesn’t know about.
So, understandably, you’d feel comfortable at a new LES restaurant that also happens to front as what we can only describe as... a pawnshop.
Introducing Beauty & Essex, a fiscally groundbreaking small-plates dining spot that takes cold hard cash, plastic or family heirlooms, opening Saturday and taking reservations now.
If you were recently considering unloading Pop-Pop’s baseball cards, but also craving some duck fat fries, this is your place. Just behind the front door, instead of a coat check you’ll find a counter selling (and soon, buying) rare vinyl, vintage guitars and the occasional just-“returned” diamond ring. Thankfully, you always pack an extra Rolex Daytona when you go out to eat.
So you’ll haggle. You’ll buy. You’ll sell. Then, you’ll head inside, ready to turn your profits into grilled cheese and tomato soup dumplings (they’re only for closers).
With your negotiating skills fully warmed up, turn your attention to securing you and your date that prime table beside the grand spiral staircase. There, below an undulating 20-foot skylight, you’ll charm, hawk and cajole your way to an extra order of the Roasted Bone Marrow Crostini or Lobster Tacos.
And if you’re feeling up to it, perhaps you’ll want to try your hand at infiltrating the ladies room, where a private bartender awaits with complimentary champagne.
For 51.4% of the population, this should be fairly easy.